Healer

Lately, things have not been great. Quite the opposite. Where should I start... School couldn't be harder for me. I'm in 18 hours, and all of my classes are difficult. I don't have that 1 class where I can space out in and know I'll have an A. I am working hard for B's right now.

Not to mention, I have  ~11 hours of clinic each week on top of school work where I have to be on the ball. I am seeing patients, which is great, but one of the most mentally taxing things I've ever done. I am trying to pull everything I've learned in the past 7 months (which is A LOT of info) together and still try to be professional, polite, and take care of the patient in my chair.

I knew dental hygiene school was going to be hard, but I have no energy. I come home from school in between 3-5 each day and can't move. I immediately put my sweats on and try not to think about anything. But that rarely happens, because I sit there and think about how I'm not studying for my test tomorrow.  I want to excel in clinic, but its darn near impossible when I have to spend my small amount of extra time into studying to pass a test. I usually end up falling asleep while trying to work.

My motivation has left me, my energy has left me, and I'm just trying to get by. Not to go into detail, but as one can image a love life suffering from this. Nathan is moving to OKC in the next few weeks, and I'm not really sure when I will see him anymore. This makes me sad, but it honestly could be beneficial.

I want to be full of life, and life giving to those I'm around. But my soul is weary, and I have nothing to give right now. My spiritual life has been suffering as well. I know I need to make it a priority to read my Bible, and I try, but fall short too often. I went to the Lord today and have been reading out of Job, because I feel I could relate to him.

All I can conclude is that God is wiser than I, greater than I, and is a good God. I prayed for healing, wisdom, and strength. I know first hand God is a good God, and he is a healer. I am trusting in the Almighty with all my weaknesses. Where I am weak, He is strong. I'm needing His peace right now but that comes from me trusting Him. And since He did speak the universe into existence, I think He's a pretty good guy to trust.

Kari Jobe has been on repeat. Jesus heals through song, and especially my heart through Kari's.
Here are the lyrics to her song, Healer.

 You hold my every moment

You calm my raging sea

You walk with me through fire

and heal all my disease

I trust in You

I trust in You

I believe You're my healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe

I believe You're my portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus, You're all I need.

I am still weak, but I'm trying to give my cares to the Lord. I hope I find healing and strength in that. 

-Bekah